Ask The Romance Expert
by MapleKomori
Summary: Hetalia asks their resident romance expert for relationship advice.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Romance Expert,

Even though I am AWESOME, I could use some help. There's this guy. He's quiet and shy, but sweet as maple syrup. I'd do anything to get his attention, but, as the old trope goes, he doesn't even know I exist. The weird thing is, I think I might be the only person who knows he exists. It's kind of a weird situation. What should I do?

- The Awesome Me

Dear Awesome,

Your confidence is a wonderful asset. However, if this fellow you've got your eye on is really as shy as you say, it is important that you do not overwhelm him. Like a rose, love must blossom slowly. Make your move, but do so carefully.

Honhonhonhonhon,  
>The Romance Expert <p>


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Romance Expert,

I have a problem. I have a crush on my neighbour. He's a really nice guy, if not a little awkward, but he's fun and we get along well together. I think he likes me too. The problem is... I'm married. And if that weren't bad enough, my neighbour is an enemy of my husband.

Is there a way to make my neighbour and husband fall madly into a fit of lust for one another so they can passionately caress one another in front of our house while I watch?

Sincerely,  
>Frying Pan Fantasies<p>

*****

Dear Frying Pan,

Are you certain you can't satisfy this particular compulsion through romantic literature?

Honhonhonhonhon,  
>The Romance Expert<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Hey bro!

I've got a problem. There's this dude I've been going out with, and we're into seeing more of each other. So, I'm like, sweet, bro! The thing is, he tends to throw his weight around. He's got to be the boss of the relationship, you know? But, duh, I'm the Hero! So shouldn't I be the boss? How do I tell him I'm the boss? Everytime I try to lay down the law, he gives me this icy stare that's sooooo creepy.

From,  
>The Hero<p>

*****

Dear Hero,

It seems like you and your partner are both strong personalities. Perhaps it is best if you defer to each other's expertise based on the subject matter at hand. For example, you might know more about hospitality whereas he might know more about dealing with severe climates. For things about which you are both passionate, such as space travel, maybe you can work together? After all, love is about collaboration, not competition.

I hope this helps.  
>The Romance Expert<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Romance Expert,

My future husband refuses to marry me! He says I'm too scary. He says it's wrong for us to marry because we're brother and sister. I have tried everything I can to convince him, but even my biggest knife doesn't change his mind.

Please help this Beauty with a Butcher's Knife.

*****

Dear Beauty with a Butcher's Knife,

Love is not something you can force on others. Do not be overcome with the fear of never getting married, because fear can drive us to do some rather outlandish things. Instead, focus on what makes you happy. Who knows? Maybe you will meet someone who feels as passionately about you as you do about him.

Good luck,  
>The Romance Expert<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Romance Expert,

I dearly love a coworker of mine, and yet he is so standoffish with me. I don't know why. We work together on the same tomato farm all day and I've known him since he was a child. We've certainly got the familiarity and yet he treats me like a complete stranger. What can I do to make him warm up to me?

- Matadorable

*****

Dear Matadorable,

The more you listen, the more your beloved little tomato will talk. Pay attention to what he's telling you. Then you will understand how, if at all, to communicate your affections.

I hope this helps,  
>The Romance Expert<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Romance Expert,

Ve, ve! My boyfriend keeps getting annoyed with me. He calls me useless and often acts like he doesn't care about me. I admit, he's good at lots of things while I'm, um, not. But still, I try my best! Deep down, he must care about me, because he's always rescuing me, but then he goes back to acting like he doesn't care. Still, I think he cares on some level, because he's always so very patient with me. What do I do? What do I dooooo?

Yours truly,  
>I Love Pasta<p>

*****

Dear Pasta,

Oh, dear me. One of two things could be going on here. You might not like to hear this, but sometimes, love hurts. Either your boyfriend really doesn't care and he's using you, or he does care but refuses to give you the love you deserve. In either case, he's not doing a very good job of being your boyfriend. You say he's patient with you, but you have, perhaps, been too patient with him.

I would suggest you two sit down and have a serious conversation. Make sure he knows how you feel about the insults. Both of you need to be clear on what you want from the relationship. If you need him to show his love for you, then tell him so. And remember, even if he demonstrates romantic behaviour toward you, that still doesn't mean anything unless the insults stop. He shouldn't be calling you useless! If the problematic behaviour continues, it might be time to move on. You deserve someone who loves you, Pasta. Moving on to someone better doesn't mean you're running away.

I wish you the best of luck.  
>The Romance Expert<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Romance Expert,

I have the most terrible crush on someone. The problem is, I don't deal with emotions very well. Even though I've known this person for as long as I can remember, I have been nothing but snippy with him. We've fought since we were children and I just wish I could finally tell him how much I love him. Please help me.

Sincerely,  
>Tired of Splendid Isolation<p>

*****

Dear England,

Are you serious? I've been waiting for you to send me some sort of sign since the Middle Ages. I never made the first move since, well, I've seen how you respond to that sort of thing. Now that I know the truth, however...

Meet me at the Red Rose cafe at 8 tonight?

All my love,  
>France<p> 


End file.
